ConfessMail

Comment from darlene
Time: August 8, 2007, 8:48 pm

I don’t understand why women do this to themselves. There are plenty of great men out there that are single. I won’t make a moral judgement here, but if it bothers you that he leaves, then it’s time to end the relationship and find someone better or have him end his.

Comment from anonymous
Time: August 8, 2007, 11:08 pm

I don’t want to leave, but you know the situation.

Comment from dede
Time: August 12, 2007, 9:52 pm

This seems to be an unhealthy relationship. Statistics say he won’t leave his wife not matter what he is saying to you.

Comment from lightyears
Time: September 1, 2007, 8:50 pm

@ anonymous

If there is a reason that you can’t, then you should break off the relationship until there is a way that you can. It is a selfish thing to be doing unless both women know about it and agree which I highly doubt is the case.

Comment from renee
Time: September 7, 2007, 5:35 am

Find yourself someone else. He will never leave her for you and if he does, what’s to stop him from doing the same thing to you?

Comment from Cheddar
Time: September 11, 2007, 4:10 pm

It’s nothing to do with his wife. The two of you have something great. Enjoy it.

Disregard the moralists. They don’t know the fire in your heart.

Comment from Things happen…What are you going to do.
Time: September 13, 2007, 7:03 pm

No one every gets involved in this sort of relationship lightly.

The easy thing to say is that he is a jerk and you’er a heartless $#@! for knowingly being involved with a married man. That would be the easy thing to say. But as we all know life is not easy and certainly not so black and white.

I think that when people cheat they really are tring to fill a hole in their life. Something that is missing either from the relationship or something missing inside themselves. Some voids can be filled and some will never be filled.

Why do you think he is cheating? What kind of void does he have in his life? Do you think you fill it or will it never filled?

Comment from anonymous
Time: September 24, 2007, 5:35 pm

She leaves me every morning to be with her husband.

Comment from greenday
Time: October 3, 2007, 5:07 pm

You have the choice not to let him into your bed if this is something that you don’t like.

Comment from Bernice
Time: October 8, 2007, 2:39 am

Of course he leaves you and goes back to his wife every morning… she matters more than you do… so does his home, his car, his job, his vacation, his company party, etc. And… these things will alway be more important than you or he would do things differently. The fact is with married people… they are ALWAYS in a situation that they can’t leave or control… lame excuses is what I call them to have their cake and eat it too… lose him and find someone available… here’s a novel idea… find someone that can spend Christmas and New Years with you instead of you being alone because his “situation” won’t “allow” him to be there with you… that and the fact that he’d rather watch his wife opens her present… if that wasn’t the case… he’d be there watching you open yours…. Lose him girl… quick…. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

And shame on you for cheating no matter the situation… you have no right dragging anyone into your life being married… suck it up and honor your vows or get out of the marriage… many people live without sex until the right person or situation allows differently… its not going to fall off if you don’t use it for awhile… it will still be there when you get divorced… cheater…. cry baby… wha-wha…. want some cheese with that excuse??

Comment from Cheddar
Time: October 10, 2007, 3:06 pm

Why are you assuming it’s all about the sex, Bernice?

Also, things do change. I know a married couple who were together while the man was still married to someone else. They’re now happily married with two great kids.

Comment from Bernice
Time: October 10, 2007, 6:56 pm

“He leaves me every morning”… I guess they could have stayed up and talked most of the night… my bad.

I base my assumptions on the knowledge I have of extramarital affairs my friends have been in … and from experiences from married men on the Internet cruising for prey… and almost all are based on getting sex… bottom line.

I have a girlfriend who seems to thrive on the married man abuse, and ends up crying each time because the married man “cannot” leave his situtation… I have other friends who have been involved occasionally with married men, but unlike the one friend, learned their lessons quickly and refuse to entertain the “married man” syndrome any longer.

Yes, things can change, I am not saying a good relationship cannot come from those situations, but the fact remains… One or both are married to other partners… divorce and then get the new relationship going…

Just because the “couple” ended up happily married does not change the possible damage infidelity can cause the other spouse (and even others close to the marriage) while married or even afterwards… There are other people involved besides the “happily ever after couple”… infidelity can cause deep and sometimes lasting negative affects on people’s self-esteem and trust of other people… it would be kinder just to walk up to the spouse and tell them you are having the affair… most people can deal with the truth… It is the lies and breaking of trust people have a hard time with, especially with ceremonial vows, like a wedding.

One woman I know personally, finally caught her husband cheating on her… and when the wash water was thrown out to door and the divorce ensured… she found out her husband was telling the “other woman” that his wife (she)was battling colon cancer and couldn’t have sex any longer but he just couldn’t leave her during her time of sickness… and that is the same cancer this woman’s mother really died of… how devasting is that to a person do you think? And he was still having regular sex with his healthy wife… Until he got caught that is…

Have a backbone, tell your spouse you are no longer happy, bite the big one and split the assets, then find that “happily ever after” and then guess what… “He doesn’t have to leave me every morning”.

Comment from Bernice
Time: October 10, 2007, 7:06 pm

And as far as “having something great”…

Why the post “He leaves me every morning… For his wife…” underline, underline, underline ???

Why even bother to put it out there for the “moralists” comments????

Wave him goodbye in the morning – leave the door unlocked at night for him and enjoy all that “fire in your heart…” privately.

If you didn’t want an opinion, you shouldn’t have posted it??? Sheesh people…

Comment from Crysie
Time: February 16, 2009, 1:12 pm

You are disgusting. You are why the world is so screwed up. You are the reason so many children are fatherless. You are the reason, so many gross, disgusting perverted men cheat because WOMEN like YOU exist. Lucky for you, I’m not God…..

Comment from Tullia
Time: August 3, 2009, 1:06 pm

Crysie: Yes, because it’s more her fault than his, of course. Men may be gross, disgusting, and perverted, but if every woman on Earth took it as her personal duty to keep all men everywhere in moral line at all times, men couldn’t express their gross, disgusting, and perverted natures, and there would be no broken marriages. Well, unless they go to prostitutes, of course. Or if they lie and tell women that they’re single or that they’re about to get divorced. Or if they’re in a position of power over women and can coerce them. No, if there are no scarlet women readily available, then gross, disgusting, perverted men would definitely keep it in their pants.

Geez, put a cork in it. I don’t think women should fool around with married men, either, but he doesn’t have to unzip his fly, and he’s the one who took the marriage vow. If you think men will always take sex when it’s offered, what are they? Moral monsters? If you think they can’t help themselves, what are they, animals in heat? Do you think they’re easily emotionally manipulated, or easily confused, or easily bored to unbearable boredom, or just really, really stupid? If they’re not any of those things, then they know what they’re doing: they’re knowingly breaking the marriage vow, and they’re knowingly enjoying the sexual and emotional pleasures of being with two women without giving either of them their full attention.

I too think she should keep the cell phone off and the front door locked, but I think she’s far, far more sinned against than sinning.

To the OP: if you don’t think you can tell him to get lost, then find something else to do those nights — take a class, go out, read, listen to music, go to movies, anything to keep your mind busy on something else. If you can tell him to get lost and he tells you he’s getting a divorce, tell him you want to see the papers and a timeline, and until then, no. If he has papers but everything’s going suspiciously slowly, hire a private detective if you can afford it, and otherwise drift away. If he tells you he can’t leave her because of religion, cultural traditions, the kids, finances, illness, or his reputation, then tell him he should be with her anyway; if he says that he doesn’t love her but does love you, remind him that his life and desires come ahead of your mutual love and that your life and desires are suffering, and ask how much he could love you if that’s fine with him. If he says anything starting with the words “Well, someday … ” remind yourself that someday hasn’t come yet and, statistically speaking, won’t. If he gets ugly and tells you you’re lucky to have him and won’t get anyone else anyway, then ask yourself whether such a man is worth your love and your life. If you think half a loaf is better than none, if you don’t care if he’s a prick, ask yourself why you hate yourself so much that you’ll put up with this. If he is in a position where he can coerce you into an affair, try to get free. It’s all the same story.

He’s no good for you. He’s probably not a good person. He’s hurting his wife, whether he thinks so or not, because he’s devoting part of his mind, his time, and his money to someone else. And he probably won’t leave her. This is no good for you.

Comment from Just A Guy
Time: September 19, 2010, 2:30 pm

He’s got some serious issues that he needs to work out, but you do as well. He’s not being intimate with his wife, he’s not sharing his full feelings with her and clearly not telling her about you. I don’t doubt that both of you and his wife are very much a part of his life, but he’s abusing the both of you. If you told him that you want him to stay in the mornings, chances are you wouldn’t do that because he has all the control in the relationship, chances are he will guilt you into making you feel bad for even asking, after all he has a wife to go home to and your not letting him do that, you are afraid that he would leave you if you pressured him to commit more time to you, time that you feel you should deserve, time that your willing to give to him in return. He probably feels guilty for his relationship with you because he is knowlingly neglecting the person who has given him all they can give as a spouse, but to him that isn’t even enough. You admire the women he is with because she makes you feel good about yourself, and you pity her, but at the same time you envy her and resent her for taking you and your man’s time away, for him loving her more. The man sounds like an empty shell, he is lost and so are you, I don’t blame you like the others for asking for help, you need it. So here is my honest advice, but you won’t like it.

You need to realize that you yourself are not happy as a person. You are lost, your depressed, and beleive it or not, your sadness has nothing to do with this married man, or the wife he is with. You are sad because of yourself. It’s your fault you’re unhappy. You need to take responsibility for who you are, which sadly you don’t even know who that is. Your alone, you have few people if any that know you personally or whom you can actually open up to or trust. You were likely abused as a child, sexually, verbally or emotionally, your softspoken and you spend most of the time trying to make sure others are happy and approve of you. You have been doing this for years or most of your life, and will continue to put other people’s feelings before your own. You’re looking for something in your life, some way to find happyness but you haven’t found it and probably feel like you never will until he came along, or more precisely, you found him. This man you are seeing makes you feel valuable for the short time that he actually spends with you, partially because he is willing to leave his family just to be with you and give you that attention. But your a mess when he’s gone, you are not as confident in yourself, you question your quality as a person and base your personal self worth on the way he treats you, the value he gives to you. This is the greatest thing that is upsetting you because you only feel happy with yourself when you’re with him, when you’re actually valued by another for who you are as an intimate person. When he leaves all your fears threaten to come true to you, your self-esteem is dwindled and you realize that the one person whom you have actually opened up to might just see you as that girl on the side that he will never love as much as his wife. His opinion of you means so much to you, that if he thinks it about you, you beleive it to be true, and you’re afraid that you might just be as worthless as he is treating you until ofcourse he sees you again. This situation that you are in, is your fault, I’d guess that you picked this man knowing well beforehand the implications of the relationship which could only end up in disaster, ironically though the impossibility of having this married man love you and value you is what attracts you so much to him, because when he does give you attention you like him all the more for it, you like that he is willing to give up time with his wife whom he says loves so much to be with you, and you beleive that he loves her so it makes the love between you even more special. Your ultimate goal beleive it or not would be for him to leave her entirely for you, and that he would love you so much that he would completely forget about her, because you are so special to him now, willing to do all the things his wife wouldn’t, being able to satisfy him in ways his wife never could, even if that includes just being intimate to eachother, being truthful. You have never been out of a relationship for long if you could help it, because you cannot stand to be alone, and so you have found this man whom you feel completes you, at least when he’s around.

You need to focus on you. You need to devote yourself everyday to making things better for yourself. You need to stop destroying yourself because in the end you won’t be happy. You need to leave. Whatever place your in mentally, you need to leave it. You need to leave this sad man alone, and you need to leave his wife and family alone as well. You need to stop being a coward, you need to own up to YOUR DECISIONS. You need to realize that you are who you want to be, not what people treat you like. I suggest you get some professional help, a therapist to re-evaluate your abusive childhood and your relationships, you should join some support groups for sexaholics or abusived spouses. You need to realize to be happy for who you are. You need to be comfortable with yourself, and you need to learn how to make yourself happy before getting into another relationship. Then you will realize that you are more valuable in a way that only someone as happy as you could ever understand. Good luck I wish you all the best.