People should have to kill their Thanksgiving dinner

The designer bag I bought my girlfriend was a fake.

I need more spice in my life.

I want a magazine man–not my husband that drinks beer and watches TV all day.

I said i’d wait forever. I think I’m going to move on.

I would have gone anywhere, if you had only asked.

I wish he’d stop playing games and notice me.

I break windows when no one is looking.

I secretly give my milk to the dog each morning.

I only pretend to be the leader of the pack. In reality, I’m scared shitless.